Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. Nothing arouses it. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. Really connect. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Do they shrink with age? It was not measurable in his blood. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. This is the best I have read. Here is the rub though. Shes not. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. Sh. I moved on to another job, we did not keep in touch for very long. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. No human being should dominate another person. .! Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. Men are very simple to please. There is hope on the horizon. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. I have spoken to my wife several times. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. bcb Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. Absolute rubbish! Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Anyway, I think when one person in a marriage comes to the point my husband is at and apparently yours is too a therapist is really the only answer. Yes! And I am one of those. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. We have tried many times and many ways to lose weight, but his belly doesnt change much and hes passed his growing stage of life. I was sleep-deprived for the first four months, getting about three and half hours of sleep a night. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. In my is own skin. Amen. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. A year or two is nothing. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. Pls look this up to see if this is you. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. Absolutely! If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. And that's perfectly fine! Could it be that your wife avoids intimacy and shuns the idea of making love? I didnt sign up for this garbage! The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. My husband has no sex drive at all. Harley But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. Any discussion goes nowhere. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. Sorry Mate. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? Hormones. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. For everything there is a season. I get angry, then sad and depressed. I set up a Revenge cheat. I agree, once they stop theres nothing thats going to get them interested or willing to do it again. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. Women love that. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. Yes. And I love doggie! I think the resolve here is to tell the parent who is confiding in you to seek professional help, and then bud out. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in. Wooing is a life-long endeavor. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. Thank you Joan, for all you do. Would you like to see more questions and answers? 10. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. I feel like Ive been through hell. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. There is a lot more going on there. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. Id like to hear how you feel. Oh stfu. I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Want to continue the conversation? So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either. No doubt youre frustrated. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? It will never balance out. What to do about it: Make sure your wife knows you see her as a sexy beingcompliment her often, give her simmering kisses and affectionate touch, and do these things without tying the gestures to requests for sex. I am familiar with all of this and I kept silent for a very long time. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. When I wanted to leave, the only family I had told me theyd not support me whatsoever and just shut up grow up and deal with it and Id better do whatever it took to keep the husband. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. I have a simple fix for all this. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. Sucks to be me, right! It will only create more distance between you. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Good luck. The wife was boring and I had to follow so many rules and regulations when it came to sleeping and sex together. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. . You know what I dont need to know the answer. Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! ( I told him about the job opening). We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. Flirting in public! So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. I am 55, my husband is 59. Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. My wife and I have been married 20 years. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. Focusing on her pleasure will make her banish any thought that my wife never wants to have sex.. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. My 76 year old husband has not. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. Research shows that sexual communication was. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. Life is definitely funny. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. That may not be possible. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. nuff said. I dont know why Im still here. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. 6. Pretty graphic stuff. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. Should be a Clause in sickness and health and sex also! Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. Addie I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. Agree Sean. It makes me feel sick. Except that one little thing. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. he is very persistent. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Leave her, even if youre alone. I cant do that, divorce right away. I fail to see the point of continuing further. I have not had an affair because, well, thats just not me. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. /** That partner has truly not kept theur vow, but have managed to put us in a moral quandary. })(); There are many men, myself included, who desire far more than just a quick physical release, and who see their wife as a partner in a shared loving experience, not a living sex toy to use and the put away once satisfied. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! When we met, it was amazing. And one factor is being a caregiver. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. Tell her that you love her. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. Its not an option. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. Now ASAP get a life please. I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues are all linked to lower libido, as are some antidepressants. She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. She reached about 58 and went through late menopause which brought on vaginal dryness, solved with a doctor recommended lubricant. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! BIG mistake. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Stay with it, work on it with her. Does your wife struggle with self-love? To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. But we didnt know what we had. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. Just need the fortitude to go. In other cases, when the in-laws are constantly meddling the resentment may make it seem like you have an unloving wife but shes actually just frustrated at the lack of privacy, says Gopa. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. With out being rude . You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. Its not always the woman who has no interest. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you.
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